I know sometimes the days seem long and the nights even longer. I know there are times you would hide from the world. You feel the weight on your shoulders, and see the accusing glares.
I'm here to tell you that it does get better. The sun does shine through the worst of our depression. It's there when you're ready to reach out and grab onto the ribbon of laughter.
Don't worry about those flashbacks, honey. There was a time when you had to deal with it alone, but that isn't the case anymore. No matter where it takes you, when you come back, you'll always have a strong person who loves you for who you are...imperfections and all. He doesn't care that you check out for chunks of time and can't always explain or even know it happened. He loves you and will watch over you while you're gone.
Don't fret about the past. Don't fret about the future. You can keep on living. Everything is going to be okay now. Not everyone may understand, and hell, some may look down on you for it, but you are the one who has to deal with this illness day by day. You're doing a fine job of it considering you weren't told how to do so. It's not your fault. You were abused and mistreated. This is not now, and never has been your fault.
You are beautiful, inside and out. Through the deepest of your depression, you've found something to hold onto and laugh about. Through all the times you've checked out, you've become less afraid of what they think. Labels? What are they? Nothing to you anymore.
No one truly knows what you go through day by day, and that's alright. You're alive. You've been fighting the good fight, and so far...you're winning. That's a good thing in my book. Keep on living this life. Love with all your heart, laugh with your soul. Just remember...when it seems like it's going to cave in and bury you...say these words, "I am not my illness."
Instead remember who you are. You're someone's child, a wonderful man's fiance, and a sister. You're a cousin and a friend. You are laughter in the night, and peace in the day. You're an angel's mother. You're a treasured member of this world, and it would be a little dimmer without you. No longer are you the unwanted, the stupid, and the careless. You are unique and beautiful.
Yes, you are a treasure. You are not your illness.